PartnerRelationship

Quarrel with your partner? Tips on how to reach a compromise

Relationship problems, quarrel

Quarrel, it happens even to the best couples. And although the reason for the quarrel can be very different, there are still some rules that you should always follow if you want to come to a solution in a good way.

Timing is everything
Although it may seem logical to express your frustration when you are most annoyed, wait a bit and ask yourself the following three questions: what is happening right now? (for example: are you getting ready to go to work or bed?) What is your partner doing? The right moment and the right state of mind are crucial if you want to address and solve a problem. If not, it is a waste of your time and energy.

Keep an eye on the volume of your voice
The fastest way to let an argument escalate is to start screaming and shouting. The more you raise your voice, the more the emotions become heated.

Use “I feel” instead of “You are”
If you quarrel with your partner, do not always try to get the debt card out. The more you throw with statements that start with “You are,” or “You never do,” the more your partner will go into the defense. If you start your sentences with “I feel” or “I think” then you draw attention to you, making the dialogue much more open and positive.

Listen to your partner for two minutes for every minute you speak
If you do not listen to your partner’s point of view, there is little chance that you will reach a compromise. The more effort you make to listen to your partner, the quicker you will come to a solution.

Never argue in front of your children
This is an important ‘not-done’ rule. If you quarrel in front of your children, it does not only mean that you have a a audience of small listeners who are eager to interfere, but also that you put unwanted stress and pressure on them. Your children should never feel that they have to choose between you both, so do not discuss your problems in front of them.

Make a joke
It is not easy to be humorous in the middle of a heated discussion, but it does help. A spontaneous joke can relieve some of the tension for both of you.

Say sorry
When you realize that after a heavy quarrel that you were actually the one who was wrong? Then put your pride aside for a moment (yes, it will take a lot of effort), and admit that you were wrong. A sincere apology such as “I’m sorry that I shouted to you without a reason,” can do wonders.

Hopefully these tips will help you get your arguments under control and reduce the negative energy level in those arguments. You are also welcome to come in contact with me for an appointment and any other suggestions, such as a couple therapy.